Mysterious Disappointment

HAPPY NEW YEAR to anyone and everyone who stops by and sees this. May 2010 bring you peace, happiness and fulfillment.

That said, I hope you had a great New Year's Eve. I went to two parties, had fun at both. Rang in the new year with some games, some fun, some new acquaintances and very little alcohol (yay! - I'm a very cheap drunk... doesn't take much to get me liquored up. a glass and a half of wine and I was reeling. DH drove home).

I had been looking forward for three weeks to a New Year's Day mystery quilt online. I got all my prep work done in advance... chose fabrics, did the pre-mystery cutting and sewing. I was REALLY excited about doing this - passed up on some other activities just to do this quilt. I don't always like mysteries, but I really liked the one Kris at quiltbug.com did last year, so I was really pumped about this one. It had paper-piecing, which I love to do, and I chose colors from my stash that I like working with - plums and purples.

I don't really know what happened, but I just lost all my initiative about halfway through the early morning. Step two of the mystery was just cutting background fabric and I barely got that done. Step three was some more paper-piecing - but it was strip piecing, so not very complex. I cut the strips, and it took me HOURS to get just the first two strips sewn. That started about 9 am this morning. It's now after midnight on the 2nd and I JUST finished that step... There are 5 more steps I haven't even started on.

I still want to make this quilt... I haven't lost my desire... but I feel so SLOW... what happened to all my excitement and resolve and ambition? I dunno... I even went out for a walk and a Starbucks at 8 am and still couldn't get any energy going. I just want to cry...

It certainly wasn't the fault of the quilt designer.. This looks like it's going to make a really pretty quilt... It's totally an internal thing. I don't know what's wrong...

Maybe, despite my desire to make this quilt, I'm feeling angsty about traditional piecing. There's this part of me that loves piecing (esp. paper-piecing). I love the precision of making NYBs and lone stars and even log cabins. There's another piece of me that longs to make more art quilts... just paint fabric and applique and make landscapes and be more evocative with color and mood. I don't get much chance to indulge that part of myself as often as I'd like, but lately I've been feeling very neglectful of that need to express the inner me a bit more.

None of this of course even brings up the heavy weight of looming deadlines, quilty and otherwise. I'm sure those have been nibbling away at my enjoyment of and initiative for new projects.

Ah well - I WILL finish it... finishing things is one of my resolves for the year. Doesn't mean I'll finish EVERYTHING, but I will finish this quilt top at least.

Restated, my Resolutions for this year are:

1. Finish the requirements to get my adult school credential
2. Catalog all my WIPs, PIGs and WHIMMs
3. Prioritize all my WIPs, PIGs and WHIMMs
4. Be on time for appointments and classes.
5. Finish AT LEAST one project for every new one I start.
6. Take at least one trip every 2 months with my DH, even if it's just for a weekend getaway.

Now... what I'm grateful for: creaky knees, painful hips, sore muscles... all of which are much preferable to the alternative... no knees, broken hips, MS or worse ... I may be getting older and showing all the signs, but at least I have all the parts, they all work, and are, despite their age, relatively healthy.