Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Quiet days...

Not sure why I'm so busy but feel like I'm not DOING anything productive.  Maybe it's just depression... maybe it's because Mercury is in retrograde... who knows... I've done so many things but I have nothing physical to show for all the hustle and bustle.  I've got four background blocks made for my next quilt project - I have to do the applique on the blocks, and since it's a BOM, I'm stuck at four til the May block comes out.  It's a very cute quilt with squirrels on it... I just love squirrels, they're so cute.  But lately I feel like I've been living the squirrels' motto - Live fast, die young, leave a flat patch of fur on the highway... I've been rushing around from activity to activity, not watching where I'm going, lol... or really paying attention to where I've been...

My friend Ellen sent me a picture of the two of us when we were in college... Makes me feel very happy to look at it - such a good time in my life, when there was no depression and I felt hopeful and alive and the world was a vibrant and glowing place.  Where did that young lady go?   I'm not sure if any of her is still here with me now... that makes me a little sad.  How do I reconnect with who I was?... with me... I do feel a sense of disconnect with the world - that's part of the toll of depression... ah well... I guess it's a little late to be who I was, or who I could have been.  I am who I am now.

Now this is getting maudlin... sorry but it's late at night and I guess I'm feeling a little melodramatic... better to express it here than keep it bottled up inside...

On another random note, I am getting ready for another retreat.  This one is in Ramona for 4 days of sewing and comaraderie.  There are 8 of us going (possibly 7, as one person has a family emergency that may prevent her from joining us).   Anyway, I'm looking forward to going and having some fun away from home...

Changing gears again... I really thought that with my son gone from the house that my husband and I would have more time to spend with each other, but it seems like we are both so busy with work and hobbies and other activities that we rarely have time for each other... I need to do something about that... and soon!  Maybe I'll ambush him on Friday night after work... He can stand one night away from his radio... (or not - if any of you reading this know any ham radio operators, you know what I mean)...

Signing off for the night... omg... I can't believe I wrote this stuff on my blog, but wth not... it's mine after all... Next time I'll try to keep it more quilty...

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