Monday, September 21, 2009

Teabagger's Pledge 9/21/09

First posted 9/21/09

Had to share. If anyone besides me is reading this blog, enjoy:

I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.
I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.
I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.
I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:
  • Social Security
  • Medicare/Medicaid
  • State Children's Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
  • Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
  • US Postal Service
  • Roads and Highways
  • Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
  • The US Railway System
  • Public Subways and Metro Systems
  • Public Bus and Lightrail Systems
  • Rest Areas on Highways
  • Sidewalks
  • All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)
  • Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
  • Public and State Universities and Colleges
  • Public Primary and Secondary Schools
  • Sesame Street
  • Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
  • Public Museums
  • Libraries
  • Public Parks and Beaches
  • State and National Parks
  • Public Zoos
  • Unemployment Insurance
  • Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
  • Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
  • Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived >From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
  • Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
  • Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
  • Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
  • Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies
If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care
I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:
  • Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History
  • The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments
  • The government-operated Statue of Liberty
  • The Grand Canyon
  • The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
  • The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
  • All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.
I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.
I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.
Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.
SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF __________ IN THE YEAR ___.
_____________ _________________________
Signed Printed Name/Town and State


I wonder... will those being mocked recognize this for what it is?... probably not... sarcasm requires an IQ above room temperature... oh well....

3 comments:

  1. Anne, I'm so happy to hear you are a teabagger. Me too! I am hoping the liberitarian party has a new life in this country. My parents are in Nevada City and my Dad blogs all the time. You might like some of his stuff. www.GeorgeRebane.com

    Any way I never really talk politics because people think I'm the devil for wanting government as far out of my life as possible. Just enough to protect our freedom, and that's enough, I can make my decisions for myself thank you!

    GREAT POST!

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  2. Oh Shit, You WERE being sarcastic! I'm dead meat! Oh well, I told you people don't like me! And I even have a high IQ. I am laughing so hard right now. Oh well, it takes ALL kinds. Forgive me if I offended you Anne! At least I commented?

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  3. Not offended at all, hon.... I'm not a libertarian, I am a confirmed left-of-liberal, but I'm not a socialist either. I don't believe in big government, but we ARE a big country, so sometimes when we can't seem to regulate ourselves, either WE step in, or the government does. I firmly believe Jefferson was right when he said that what democracy in this country needs is a bloody revolution every 20 years to stay fresh and vigorous and strong in the interests of the people. We've grown complacent and soft, and, I dunno about you, but I don't want to be in the middle of a bloody revolution. Either we shoot the bankers and the rapacious CEOs, and the all the other crooked businessmen, or let the government deal with them. The 'capitalist' ideal that they will eventually shoot themselves in the foot doesn't seem to be working... there's always another one waiting in the wings with two good feet. We need to pull the floor out from under them and let them fall.

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